Forgiving the guy who’s just not that into you

The comedy “He’s Just Not That into You” reminded me of the painful reality of how many women have been hurt by men I call “bozo” guys.

I asked a single gal the other day what she thought of the movie, and she said, it was “good but painful.”

She went on to say that “it was painful to watch women who just don’t get it.”

For years, I have been on the war path trying to warn single gals about their pursuit of bozo guys. Now, I realize that I need to teach singles how to forgive the bozo who just broke their hearts and the guys who are “just not that into them” – the ones who used up their attention, time and bodies and then tossed them away like a paper cup. This is my new passion with singles.

How do so many wonderful single gals end up getting hurt by the guy who is just not that into her?

The main reason she gets hurt is that she breaks the 11th Commandment:  “Do not defraud thyself.”

Countless women actually lead themselves to believe the fantasy that this guy who chatted so charmingly with them for an hour is actually interested in pursuing a relationship with them.

Consider how often women can be angry at a particular guy for leading his girlfriend on in a dating relationship. Most women become visibly upset when someone they know has been defrauded by a man who led her on.

Instead of getting angry at herself, a woman who has “defrauded herself” by chasing fancies will more than likely be angry at her girlfriends who helped fuel her fantasy.

Defrauding oneself is such a masochistic crime against a woman’s own heart.  To defraud yourself is to harm yourself! When a gal meets a wonderful guy, her immediate response needs to be prayer, not text messaging her friend about “Mr. Right.”

Being offended is inevitable as long as you live on planet earth, but staying offended is a choice.

After realizing the time and energy you have put into a relationship with a man who is “just not that into you,” you will likely be very disappointed. Your disappointment will probably be followed by anger or depression. Because you know it is not healthy to stay angry, you will actually give yourself a gift when you consider forgiving the bozo who hurt you. This gift is your freedom.

Why forgive the guy who is just not that into you?

When we don’t forgive, we become prisoners to the resentment of being defrauded by others. We need to forgive the men in our lives for doing what they do best – being human. People assume that “time heals all wounds,” but that is actually false. Without the freeing choice of forgiving the guy, time simply moves the pain below the surface where it will ferment and poison your heart.

The gift of forgiving allows you to let go of the pain and move on with hope. And when you have hope, you are no one’s prisoner!

Don’t be the gal who is held hostage to yesterday by refusing to let go of unwanted hurt.  It’s in that forgiving chapter that you have the prospect of a real happy ending – the freedom to hope and love again.

And if you find it hard to distinguish between Mr. Right and Mr. Wrong, pour yourself a Diet Coke and settle down in a comfy chair to read the book of Ruth. Mr. Right is the leading man in the story; his name is Boaz. Examine the qualities found in Boaz’s character as compared to the typical bozo guy. If you would like to see a biblical glimpse of a bozo, read II Samuel 13. Prince Amnon is a painful example of Mr. Wrong. He is an example of Prince Harming rather than Prince Charming.

This article is adapted from Jackie Kendall’s books, “A Man Worth Waiting For” and “Free Yourself to Love.” Jackie Kendall is an author and motivational speaker who lives in West Palm Beach with her husband. For more information, visit


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