I recently was listening to a lively discussion and noticed that those speaking (mostly all at once) were so very sure of their points and perspectives that nothing was being learned. There was no room for curiosity. The observation made me think about how often I am the same, very sure of my ideas, opinions and perspectives. The thought process made me ponder on the idea of surety.

 

Surety

Surety is a word that is usually associated with an agreement or transaction. For example, someone may provide “surety” for another individual or entity, in essence guaranteeing the validity of the transaction such as co-signing on a car loan for one of your children (which I have done). However, you can also associate the word to a person who is very “assured” or confident of themselves and their viewpoint. This is not a standard way to use the word, but why not use it anyway, I am quite sure of it!

 

Life is full of surety and that’s a good thing. Science can provide a lot of it. We know more now than we did decades ago about the universe, biology, technology, our planet, the weather, people’s behavior, and the list goes on and on. However, we also know that the more we know the more we realize we don’t know. I can attest to this in my own life…. parenting helps remind us. I have found myself desiring more surety in life. I want to know, for example, that I will live a long healthy life. I would also like to know that I will be able to financially provide for my family and myself. I would love some surety on the future of our country and might as well add the world to that. 

I crave more surety. I think it’s one of the reasons I am quick to move away from mystery and the uncomfortable “I don’t know.” I call that the messy middle. I prefer the sense of knowing vs not knowing. I find that when I can label and identify something that is unknown, as known, then the mystery is not as threatening. For example, when I can identify something and be sure of it, the “what do I do with” this person, this question, or this idea” is easier to process, and I can place it in a neat little labeled box. I can more easily manage my life when I eliminate the mystery. I do this often when I am quick to label one thing as bad and the other as good or something is right and the other is wrong, this is healthy and that is not, this is safe and that is dangerous, and this is beautiful and that is not. However, what if I am wrong?

 

A life of mystery

My journey in life has involved a lot of mystery, in fact, as I reflect on the various seasons of it, I can’t help but chuckle. My marriage has been a wonderful journey of mystery that has matured me to realize that it was not me making that promise, but God, in me. My walk with God has been filled with mystery too. I remember speaking to my grandfather (the late Billy Graham a world-famous preacher) regarding a question I had about “end times” and a particular Bible verse talking about it.  End times is such a mystery to me, and I thought that if my grandfather could help me understand what the Bible was saying I would be more at ease, a bit more “sure.” However, when I asked him, he simply responded with a “I don’t know.” Seriously, IDK was all he had?

 

God is in the messy middle

I am realizing more and more that God invites me into that messy middle. The messy middle is a place where the answers are not always clear, and the landscape can change a lot. The messy middle invites me into conversations and relationships with people that may have very different worldviews then mine. The messy middle suggests that I talk less and listen more. The messy middle requires me to talk to God a lot… and therein lies the reason I think He invites me into that space… He loves my company, and He is confident that His company makes me a much better person, more like Him. Therefore, the tension of the messy middle requires me to be less sure of my perspective and much more dependent on His perspective, that I am sure about. I am sure of God’s love for me. I am sure that He wants me to reflect that love too. I am sure that my relationship with a loving and personal God is forever. I am not sure why God loves certain people, is so generous with His grace and appears to allow behavior that I find evil. I am not sure why God allows, mockery, violence, natural disasters, hatred, poverty etc. However, I am sure that He has a plan. I guess that is faith, isn’t it? 

 

I need to be a bit more patient, ask better questions, listen more, resist being so abrasive and opinionated and talk and listen to God a lot more. Before, I jump on some rant about something I am so sure of, perhaps, take a moment and try and reflect on the situation or person from God’s perspective and ask Him what my response ought to be. I believe often His advice will surprise me. I pray regularly that the Lord will help me be “suspicious of myself.” James speaks about this in his letter, where he instructs me, follower of Christ, to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. Wow, I think today I live the opposite of that. I am quick to speak, quick to get angry and very slow to listen. So, what am I sure of (and it takes faith), God is a true know it all. He is my God and His fingerprints are on my heart and mind… I am sure of that.

 

Stephan N. Tchividjian is the CEO and co-founder of the National Christian Foundation South Florida. Visit southflorida.ncfgiving.com to learn more.

Read more articles by Stephan Tchividjian at: https://www.goodnewsfl.org/author/stephan-tchividjian/