And Baby Makes What?

You’re about to become parents. Congratulations! Now your marriage is going to be even stronger, and you’ll be happier—right? After all …“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him” (Psalm 127:3). The effect of children on marital satisfaction In a May 9, 2016 Fortune article, Matthew Johnson, professor of psychology and director of the Marriage and Family Studies Laboratory at Binghamton University, reported his research into marital satisfaction. He surveyed thirty years of studies and found that on average marital satisfaction goes down during the first year of marriage for most couples. Further, he found […]

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The Cost of Wild Oats Sowing

“Boys will be boys, young men must sow their wild oats, and women must not expect miracles,” wrote Louisa May Alcott in her classic novel Little Women, published in 1869. Wild oats are a type of European grass. They are useless for cereal crops. Worse, they infiltrate good crops rendering them useless. According to worldwidewords.org, the idea of sowing wild oats was born in 1542. It referred to “young men who frittered away their time in stupid or idle pastimes.” How times have changed Today, the world exalts “playing the field” or “shopping around” before settling down. Through television, movies, […]

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The Incredible Shrinking Spouse

You’ve met them — men/women who over twenty years of marriage lose their joy and wither at the hands of their biggest critic  their spouse. Is this you? Picture it. Joe comes home after working all day in the heat at a job he really doesn’t like. He took it after he got laid off from a job he worked faithfully for twenty years. His wife yells, “Wipe your feet; you always track in mud. And you smell. You have the worst body odor. Kids, tell your father to go get a shower. What a pig!” Or Melissa, who worked […]

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I’m More Spiritual

“My husband and I are both believers, but he’s more passionate about his job and sports teams than he is about God. How can I get him to be more intentional about his faith?” That was a question posed to Dr. Scott Stanley, a research professor and the co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver on a Focus on the Family radio show. It’s common for believing couples to feel some dissonance with their spiritual compatibility. Having a desire for your spouse to be more spiritual is not, in and of itself, a […]

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How Can I Ever Trust Again?

I recently to spoke at The Uptown Lunch, a monthly event sponsored by my church during which the pastor asked a number of questions related to how I got where I am today. I shared that after three relationships that included physical abuse, rape and infidelity followed by abandonment, I didn’t like men. I wanted nothing to do with them for a very long time. Recognizing that I am now a well-adjusted happily-married woman, Pastor Stephen asked, “So, how did you learn to trust again.”   The easy answer Don’t. “That’s right, don’t trust again. Stay out of relationships.” The […]

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Job Description: Leader’s Spouse

  Duties: Host(ess) to both private guests and public figures Highlighter for issues of the day Chief encourager Salary: None Benefits: Partner for the journey   It’s election season: time to choose the new leader of the free world. And with this new leader comes the new First Lady, or perhaps, First Gentleman. Who will that be and what will be expected of him/her? What’s so interesting about this position is it’s not truly defined in our Constitution and there’s no pay. But it comes with high expectations from not only his/her spouse, but the electorate. We want a first […]

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The Wrong Kind of Fireworks

If I said, “fireworks” and “marriage,” would you think of a euphoric feeling that overflows from your effervescent love-life? Unfortunately for many couples, marital fireworks may be anger explosions and bitter fighting. Have you ever found yourself doing any or all of these when you fight? Saying “you never …” or “you always …” Humiliating Yelling Threatening divorce Using force Blaming Abandoning Playing the martyr/victim Interrupting These are all symptoms of dirty fighting – the conflict style that wounds instead of builds.   Who wins? There is always one winner of a dirty fight – Satan. His goal is to […]

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Where Is Your Marriage Headed?

Is your marriage what you hoped it would be? Are you on track with the goals you set for your marriage? Most will say “No,” to the first question, and “What?” to the second. When you marry, you have hopes and dreams for your lives together. Because you’ve found your soul mate, life will be good as long as your bride/groom is by your side. Reality check: hopes and dreams are NOT goals. Without goals, where will you end up? “If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.” – Author unknown   Marriage is the vehicle, not […]

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All I Want for Christmas is Our Home Back

It’s 6:30 a.m. The alarm shocks you as you just fell back to sleep after being awakened at 3 a.m. again when Johnnie came home, talking on his stupid Smartphone and banging around in the kitchen. You thought you were done with 3 a.m. feedings. He’s sleeping on the sofa, game controller in hand, clothes and dishes everywhere. You thought you were done picking up his toys. You have to get to work, so you can support his lazy behind. He can’t find the “right job” – which is kind of hard to do when he stays up all night […]

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Wow Date Nights…Mission Possible?

Men, your mission—should you chose to accept it—is to create a WOW date night with your wife. Why? If you and your wife are like most: You are busy with your career(s). You are busy with your kid(s). You are busy watching or playing sports. Your marriage has become routine and lacks vision. You spend more time interacting with your phone than with your wife. Your wife is not as available as you would like her to be. You spend less than three minutes daily meaningfully interacting with your wife.   Are you falling in or out of love? In […]

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