There was a movie circulating a few years ago that, in its time, caused quite a stir. The documentary movie: “Race to Nowhere.” The theme: we are jamming our high school students into such a frenzied schedule that they are missing the teenage years and learning to run rather than think. It can be found on YouTube today. It would be a good watch because even though we were shocked 10 years ago at the pressures on our teens, we didn’t change it. In fact, there seems to be even more pressure.
The documentary follows four high performing teenagers in one family. It might be only one family, but this family does a great job of representing the American family. The overall goal revealed by this family’s schedule for the teens was expressed by the oldest child, a high school senior. “Our constant job is to Perform, Perform, Perform!” The reasoning behind the blinding schedule: “This is what you have to do to get into a great college.”
As the camera followed the family, the teens got out of bed at dawn, caught up on remaining homework, threw down a breakfast on the way out the door and raced to school. One got up even earlier to get to swim practice. After school, more practice, race home, start homework and then to bed hopefully before midnight. Then the blinding routine began all over again, with a sprinkling of other activities such as church, dance or music lessons thrown in.
What is the goal of parenting a teen?
Watching these teens was exhausting. Realizing they are just like our homes was discouraging. What is the goal of parenting a teen today? There have always been many things for high school students to do. In the past, they raced home to help their parents with the farm or general store. But those chores made sense. Those activities helped the family and made the teen feel like a member of something larger and more important than themselves.
The sole goal of parenting was not to get them into a great college. The goal was to raise an adult who knew who he was, not just how much he could accomplish in a day.
For today’s teen, everything boils down to “A’s.” Perform perfectly in school to make “A’s”, be an outstanding athlete and excel at something cultural, such as playing the piano — an existence that values the teen by his performance.
Could it be that we are afraid there actually might be a verse somewhere that says, “Idle hands are the devil’s tool.” But constantly busy hands raise young adults with idle brains.
The more likely answer is that we aren’t sure what to do with our teens, or we are afraid that if we don’t keep them busy, they’ll spend their lives on YouTube or TikTok or gaming and be unduly influenced or tempted by people we don’t know.
Develop the whole teen
It’s time for parents to look at the hamster wheel their kids are on, because, like a hamster wheel, it gets them nowhere. It’s time to stop the horrendous schedules and say enough. It’s time to admit that “getting into the top college” isn’t really the goal. It’s time to develop the WHOLE teen rather than just the body and the intellect.
Parents have been duped into believing that the only things they bring to the teen’s training process is transportation. Arrange our schedules around the teen’s performance activities and to get them there on time.
Little wonder parents are losing their teens when they go to college. We never had them to begin with. When our teens have been led to believe they are valued by performance, they will get to college and perform for professors, fraternities, peers and the people they date. Back up, look at what your teen really needs and change your schedule accordingly. Your teen needs you. It doesn’t take a village to raise a child. It takes a parent.
What if we made choices and said that one sport a year was all each child was going to participate in? What if we really believed that being family was important, and we decided to have a family night once a week? What if we played games and laughed? What if we spent time together rather than racing our children out the door to nowhere?
This will take focus on a parent’s part. It will initially be awkward for teens — awkward because they don’t know how to be a family member. They just know how to perform. When the mother of the family being filmed saw the film and the way they were driving her family, she burst into tears. But she also did more. She took steps to make changes so that her teens could be human beings rather than “human doings.”
Pause and reflect
As we wind down the school year, pause and take a breath, then take a moment to look at your family’s schedule. Does it match up with the goal of raising a godly adult who is marriageable AND employable? We are allowed to say no to the pressure on our kids. We should be teaching and training them to find a balance in work and home life. That starts when they are in your home. Take this summer season as things are a little quieter to prioritize what the fall and next school year will look like!
Visit parentingonpurpose.org for more advice from Dr. Bob Barnes and Torrey Roberts.
For more Good News, read the GOOD NEWS May 2026 Issue at: https://digital.goodnewsfl.org/2026/may/