In a recent marriage poll, one of the top things women said they needed from their husbands was security.
This should come as no surprise. Married or not, most women long to find that sense of security that seems to always elude us. As children, we want to know that our parents are there waiting to scoop us up into their arms and tell us that everything will be okay. As we move on into the school years, we search for just one friend that can provide stability in an otherwise unstable world.
Perhaps most pervasive amongst all our searching for security comes in the form of finding our proverbial “Knight in shining armor”. You know – the one you dream of sweeping you off of your feet and whisking you away to his castle to pamper you and shield you from the terrors of this big, bad world.
However, there is one minor flaw with this vision: a woman’s need for security stems from an emotional root. We aren’t content to simply be a damsel in distress. Today’s modern woman wants to do it all, but we want to do it with someone by our side. Instead of focusing on finding a mate who will supposedly make all our troubles disappear, we should instead redirect our intentions towards filling our lives with the only one who has already conquered this world.
Perhaps this longing for security stems from Genesis 3:11-12 when God asks Adam if he had eaten from the tree. Adam (seemingly quickly) responds with, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree and I ate”. Can you believe the nerve of this guy? Not only does He insinuate blame on God for giving him this disobedient woman, but he directly passes the buck and throws Eve under the bus!
What deeply saddens me about this is that not only does it create a foundation of insecurity in the relationship, but Adam sets a tone and an example of shifting blame, which Eve then follows in verse 13.
In this first opportunity for Adam to take a stand, he fails miserably. Where Adam could have displayed true unity as a couple and answered God with a simple, “The serpent told us and we ate the fruit” (my own theoretical paraphrase), he instead wasted no time in protecting his reputation, thereby threatening his wife’s in the process.
Obviously Eve exercised her own free will, but Adam had equal opportunity to exercise his when Eve offered him the fruit. It was Adam’s choice to disobey, which Paul clarifies in 2 Corinthians 11:3 and 1 Timothy 2:14 (“Eve was deceived, but Adam ate with full knowledge of wrongdoing”).
This seemingly simple act would set an unfortunate tone for relationships that would follow. Instead of becoming increasingly secure within the bonds of friendship and matrimony, we allowed self-doubt and insecurity to take over. If security stems from a sense of trust, then that trust must be earned. We’re not looking for others to do for us as much as we long to be encouraged in our roles so that we can live out our unique God-given giftedness with confidence.
When a woman is confident emotionally, it’s amazing what she can withstand physically. This doesn’t mean we’re always prepared to handle what comes our way, but our ability to handle surprises increases exponentially when our confidence rests in our Creator instead of His creation. Too often we build our own house of rocks worrying about what may or may not happen in our lives. While God does not want us to sit by and idly watch our lives pass before us, He certainly doesn’t need our help in figuring out what is to come.
Carrie Anna Pearce offers a very eloquent and succinct take on this very thought: “We can be confident that God’s desire to reveal will always be greater than our desire to know”
Our ability and willingness to trust should supersede our longing to know. An essential component to security is not necessarily knowledge, but rather how you handle the circumstances you’ve been entrusted with. When you begin to recognize true protection and provision ultimately comes from our heavenly Father, you release those closest to you to fulfill the role they should be playing in your life.