Craving For A Father

 

Craving for a fatherJesus tells us, “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good, gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him” (Matthew 7:11).

Are you thankful for a good father or do you feel grief and loss over the dreams that your father may never be the man you know he could be?

After I became a Christian, I began to think about who my true Father was. I began a journey to find the truth about who my Heavenly Father was and how very different he was from my earthly father.

I began to see and experience in a profound way that my Heavenly Father:

-Can ALWAYS be counted on. (Matthew 28:20)

-He always hears my heart cries and responds. (Matthew 7:9-11)

-He always has my back. (Psalm 18:1-3)

-He directs and counsels me in the right ways, for my best interest. (Psalm 16:7)

-He always has oceans of love for me. (Psalm 36:5-6)

-He is brave and always fights for me, His daughter. (Matthew 12:20-21)

I knew it was very important that I understand in a very intimate way the love of my Heavenly Father. I had to separate the characteristics of my earthly father from my Heavenly Father.

They were direct opposites. My earthly father was:

-Abusive

-A predator

-Stole my childhood from me

-Did not honor me

-Would never protect me, I needed to be protected from Him

-Only appeared to love himself and what he could take from me

I so wanted to be adopted by my Heavenly Father, so I had an adoption ceremony for myself with some dear friends next to me and I wrote this:

 

Julie’s adaptation of the 23rd Psalm

The Lord is my Father.

I’m proud to be His Daughter.

He is the Daddy I’ve always wanted.

He protects me from evil.

I am safe with him.

We talk all day and night.

We desire each other’s presence.

Even though my mother and father have abandoned me. He has adopted me.

I am His.

I am delighted in this new relationship.

He is a father who desires to give me good things.

He pursues me with His lavish love daily.

My cup overflows!

Surely His love is never ending and we will walk hand

In hand all the days of my life!

 

As I wrote this piece, I felt an incredible release in my heart, a shifting of who I belonged to. My heart and my life became totally his.

 

A journey of forgiveness

Not too long after I wrote this and had my adoption ceremony I had an incredible journey of forgiveness with my earthly father. I knew I couldn’t trust, but I knew I could forgive. I had to take the anger and bitterness out of my heart and give it to God. This trust process wasn’t easy, but as I did it, I felt so free of anger, hardness of heart, and everything that kept me bound to hardness of heart. I felt free to love, to feel joy, to experience the release of letting God’s love come in as my true Father.

After that encounter of love and forgiveness, I didn’t see my parents for years. A few years later I found out that my earthly father was dead.

When I found out he was dead, I didn’t feel anything. Now I’m a feeler — I experience emotions deeply and profoundly, but I just felt nothing, dead inside.

I allowed myself to just feel the way I did, not as others were directing me to feel.

I realize that I had “let go” years ago of any type of expectation or hope for restoration or for him to change from an abusive father to a loving father. I get that now from My Abba Father, no one could ever give me what He is giving me!

So now my heart is set free!

I pray for so many of us who never really had a true father. We often feel like an orphan. Please know that if we open our hearts and lives to “adopted father figures” God will bring them to love us and give us incredible love and wisdom. I’m so rich with love from these incredible men.

Even this many years later, it’s till painful when I think of my earthly father, but it gives me an opportunity to know others broken hearts today and gives me great joy to know the love of my Heavenly Father and share it with the world! I’m a blessed daughter!

It appears many of us have been so wounded and hurt by fathers and men that could have loved us well. Instead they abused and stole from us. Let’s not give into bitterness and anger and close off love for others that deserve our love. When we feel our anger and hurt, let’s invite God into that pain and then whoa! He pours in a raging fire of love! No one can steal our joy faith and love. Love on!

 

Julie Woodley, MA, is founder and director of Restoring the Heart Ministries as well as a Gateway Counseling Center Therapist. For information visit Rthm.CC or call 1-866-780-7846.

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