“I am single and there is a married guy at work that I flirt with. How do I repent of flirting with him if I don’t feel bad about flirting with him? The thing is, I like him and I only feel bad because I know it’s not what God wants for me.” – Tiffany, 35
Thank you for your honesty and transparency. You have asked a good question, one many people have secretly pondered but have not had the courage to ask.
The scriptures teach us that when we become a believer in Jesus Christ, God gives us a new nature that wants to please Him and obey His commands. The Bible says, “A new heart will I give you and a new spirit will I put within you, and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you shall heed My ordinances and do them” (Ezekiel 36:26-27 AMP).
However, just because the Holy Spirit lives inside believers and gives them new desires to please Him does not mean they will not fight against their carnal nature or their old way of thinking. These evil cravings are ever present waiting for a chance to jump out in defiance against God and His plan. Each moment of the day we have to make conscious choices to obey the Holy Spirit’s leading instead of our own flesh if we are going to be pleasing to God and experience His best. The Bible actually speaks of this conflict, “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions” (Galatians 5:16-17 NLT). This means there is an internal war going on inside the heart of every believer – the conflict of yielding to the Spirit’s leading or the sinful nature.
Feelings are not truth and cannot be trusted as a reliable method for determining what is right and wrong. For instance, there might be days we do not “feel” like getting up for work in the morning, but if we actually acted out on those impulses, we would not have a job for long. There are also times we might get upset with someone, so we “feel” like hurting them severely. Yet, if we carried out what we were thinking, chances are, we would end up in prison or seriously regretting our decision. The point is, if we acted out on every carnal desire, the world would be seriously messed up. The Holy Spirit gives us self-control so we do not have to give in to our sinful nature. This means, we can feel like doing something wrong, but God will empower us to resist temptation.
In your case, you enjoy flirting with a married man at work and on some level it makes you feel good. The Bible says, “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21 NLT). God clearly says adultery and coveting something off limits is wrong, even if it feels good. Sin is pleasurable for a season, but in the end, it leads to destruction.
God teaches us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves and to treat him the way we would want to be treated. When a woman flirts with another woman’s husband, she is not loving him or his wife, but acting out on selfish desires.
We all have carnal wishes that rise up within us, but the key to living a successful God honoring life is to cast those evil desires down and replace them with the truth of God’s Word. Sin will never be pleasing to God and will always have destructive consequences no matter how appealing it appears at the moment. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the courage and strength to obey Him and for Him to guide you into truth. Remember, truth is not based on a feeling, but on the authority of God’s Word. When we choose to obey God despite the way we feel, we grow spiritually and the carnal desires that once ruled our lives weaken. A repentant heart is not based on whether we feel like turning away from something, but it is an act of our will. Because God says something is wrong, we choose to obey Him. Over time, our feelings will fall in line with God’s ways.
God has an awesome man out there for you, but in order for you to experience His good plan, you have to let go of the flesh and trust Him by faith. He will lead you into a great life and help you find the right person. Again, ask God for His assistance. He is ever ready to meet you in your time of weakness and will give you strength to stand up against any temptation. If you make a mistake, own up to it and then receive His grace. God’s mercies are new every morning for those that want to obey Him and do His will!
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