Got Questions?

How important is physical attraction when looking for a spouse? – Heather, 25

Hi Heather,

Great question! God created each of us to be unique and special and with a specific destiny for our lives. God has also wired each person desiring marriage to be attracted to certain types of men or women of the opposite sex and this is different for all. This attraction is not solely dependent on looks, but on a combination of factors that makes a member of the opposite sex an ideal possibility for marriage. Physical attraction definitely plays a part when selecting a mate; however, it is only one ingredient in the cake mix. I know from personal experience that a woman who is beautiful to me, but not a super model, becomes way more attractive based off several criteria: is her personality abrasive or easygoing, does she place God first in her life or is she indifferent to Him, does her life seem to be going in a similar direction as mine or is she going in the opposite direction and do we have similar interests or not. All of these attributes mentioned and many others can make a woman more or less attractive. I know in times past, I was very attracted to a woman physically, but after getting to know her, I was not interested in the slightest bit because the other factors made her way less desirable. And the opposite is true as well.

With that said, there is something very different on how men and women select a mate. By and large, men are stimulated by sight and take physical appearance into account far more than woman do. Women generally want to feel secure and safe with the man they are with. For example, there are many wealthy men that are not very attractive, but they have married women that are gorgeous. These men provide stability and a sense of security and that is very attractive for a woman. Men on the other hand see a beautiful woman and pursue her. A man, most of the time, has physical attraction somewhere near the top of his list when deciding on a mate. But a woman, though she considers it, might not have physical appearance near the top of her list. Here is one final thought. In order for there to be real cohesiveness in a marriage, the couple needs to be attracted to each other. This means that the sum total of all the components in one’s decision making process needs to be very compelling for both or the relationship will not be all that God intended for it to be. Who wants to be in a relationship where one spouse is seriously in love and head over heels for the other, but the feelings are not reciprocated?

Prayerfully consider what attributes you want in a spouse and ask God to help you make a wise decision – one that will be lasting and meaningful all the days of your life.

– Cory Nickols

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