Men – if you could push a few buttons and get the woman of your dreams, what would she look like? How would she act?
The perfect Christian wife
Confession: I met my husband online. Pastors’ opinions on this match-making method is mixed, but it was perfect for us. I efficiently sifted through the chaff to find my pearl of great price.
The dating site contained checklists of things you wanted, as well as places to describe what you were looking for. Most men listed a desire for the noble wife described in Proverbs 31. Who is this woman?
- Virtuous and clothed dignity (10, 25)
- Capable and tireless: Gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for the household and works late into the night (10, 15, 18); good manager (27)
- Honoring and Encouraging: in public (23); enriches Husband’s life (11); brings good, not harm (12)
- Industrious: makes and sells garments, bedspreads, winter clothing (13, 19, 21, 22, 24); does the grocery shopping (14); buys good real estate for a field and plants a vineyard (16); not lazy (27)
- Wise (26)
- Kind (26)
- Trustworthy (11)
- Financially savvy: profitable (18)
- Physically fit: energetic and strong (17, 25)
- Charitable: helps poor and needy (20)
- Forward thinking: prepares for winter (21)
- Good sense of humor (25)
- Praiseworthy (28-29, 31)
- Fears the Lord (30)
Is this your dream woman? How does your wife measure up? Which takes us back to the question posed in verse 10: “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?”
By contrast … Stella Mudd
Harcourt Fenton Mudd of “Star Trek” fame created a planet of android wives who were perfect in every way – beautiful … adoring. What could be better?
Problem was, he already had a nag – I mean a wife. He made an android copy of her that he kept in a closet just to remind himself of what he was not missing. Opening the door to her was like opening a floodgate to criticism and condemnation. (Pull it up on You Tube and prepare for a visceral reaction.)
Noble or Stella?
Is your wife more like Stella? Do you feel cheated because she’s not the model of the noble wife?
That’s the problem with expectations – they set you up for disappointment, which is followed by resentment, which puts a big fat smile on Satan’s face. This is where the father of all lies wants you, wishing for a different woman who will meet your every need. And we know where that leads …Do you like being in Satan’s will?
So why bring it up?
It’s critical that we recognize stinking thinking. In this case, it’s comparing what you have to what you could have – or more biblically stated “coveting” – the act of not being satisfied with what you have and wanting what your neighbor, dad, brother, pastor, television or sports celebrity, or anyone else has. It’s focusing on your needs over the needs of the one God has given you in marriage. It’s not focusing on the blessings that your spouse brings to you.
Do you spend more time wishing for something better or thanking God for His provision?
Unmet expectations are the number one killer of marriages.
Did God set you up for disappointment?
Why describe the noble woman in the Bible if it can lead to stinking thinking? God’s thoughts and ways are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8), so we can only surmise.
The word “proverb” comes from Latin: Pro is “for” in the context of good; verbum is “word.” Proverbs are wise sayings that are for your good, and in the case of the book of the Bible, directions for what to do and warnings against the rest. Consider the contrast between Proverbs 31 noble wife and Proverbs 5 wicked women.
God wants us to be able to recognize what is good for us, which leads to an abundant life so that we can serve him more completely and enjoy him more fully.
Before marriage, Proverbs 31 provides a great list to consider when discerning if you are marrying based on lust or calling. After marriage, it’s a great list for a wife to consider as she aspires to be a godlier wife. What it is not is a list for you to hold up to your wife and tell her that she falls short.
Who is your perfect wife?
The one you have – whether chosen at God’s direction through vigilant prayer and discernment or the one he allowed you to marry when you were rebelling against him. Either way, God has a calling on your life to love the one you have – to honor her, and to love her.
How will you do that perfectly?
“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word” (Ephesians 5:25-26, NLT).
May is the month we celebrate mothers, including those who have not yet conceived or perhaps cannot. They are the women you have married – the ones God has called you to love in his place. Now go love the one God has made for you.
Isn’t it time to rekindle the passion with your wife. Go ahead. Crank up the Spinner’s 1973 song, grab your wife and dance around your kitchen.
“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love” (Proverbs 5:18-19).
Patricia Hartman, CPA is the owner of Patricia Hartman, CPA, PA, a tax and forensic accounting practice. She has worked with hundreds of divorcing clients. She is the author of “The Christian Prenuptial Agreement” available at www.ChristianPrenuptial.com. She is the president of South Florida Word Weavers and a board member of Living Water Christian Counseling.