Do you want to get married? Are you looking for that one special person you can spend the rest of your life with? Sure, most of us are. It can be the most rewarding relationship filled with love, joy and an adventure to fulfill each others’ dreams and aspirations. Unfortunately, hundreds of thousands of Americans and people across the globe are sure they have made the right decision when tying the knot, but find out months or years later the painful consequences of their choice – a relationship ending in divorce. While there is no formula for finding the love of your life, there are some practical principals that can help you make a very good decision when selecting a marriage partner. After all, this is one of the most important choices you will ever make.
Don’t be in hurry to get married…
Too many people want to get married too quickly and bypass warning signs or overlook critical information that can help make a wise decision. I know several friends and acquaintances that married too quickly and were divorced before their first anniversary! They were sure that they found the right person because they were so in love. Unfortunately, after they said “I Do” they found out many things about their spouse that would have kept them from marrying had they spent more time getting to know the one they loved. Take your time in getting to know someone. Get to know them in “four seasons”. In other words, experience enough life with them that you can see who they are in good times, difficult times and stressful situations. Watch how they treat other family members and friends and how they handle money.
Do they love God or are they playing church because they know that you love God? You need to spend enough time with someone for his or her real colors to shine forth so that you can make a good decision about whether or not you can spend the rest of your life with this person.
Do not rebound from a previous relationship…
Let time heal you so that you can see clearly and not through a lens of hurt. Many times, people who have been through a painful breakup or divorce look for someone else prematurely so that they can feel loved and accepted. All too often, they try and find their worth and validation in a relationship instead of from God. A person might feel rejected when a relationship breaks up or a spouse leaves them for someone else. In turn, they latch on to of the first person that shows any sign of interest. Because they feel rejected, they are not in a place where they can make a good decision. God wants us to look to Him to find acceptance and not in the person we are hoping to be with. As we find our identity in God and allow Him to heal us from the inside out, we can see clearly to make a good decision in a potential marriage selection.
Know who you are and where you are going before making the decision to marry…
God has a plan and destiny for you and He wants you to fulfill it. When we know who we are in Christ and the plan He has for us, we can then attract the right person who wants to join us on that journey. I went to college, graduated with a degree in landscape architecture and worked in Atlanta, GA for 5 years with a landscape architecture firm. I found out that it was just not my passion in life. Several years later, I am now a writer, blogger, public speaker and missions director at a church. I have taken steps into what God has called me to do and it could not be more meaningful. If I would have gotten married in college or shortly after, I might have attracted a person who was passionate about landscape architecture and now that my life has taken a real turn, enormous conflicts of interest could have ensued. I know who I am today and where I am going. I now see the type of woman that I am compatible with and can attract a woman who is equally passionate about the things I am. Many people marry at too young of an age and don’t know who they are much less the type of person they are compatible with. Get to know yourself and ask God to help you understand who you are and the direction He has for you.
These principals are not divine laws and some people might have successful marriages without following them, but by and large this is wisdom that can save a person a lot of grief at the end of the day.
Cory Nickols is a regular speaker and the missions director at Envision Life Center in Fort Wayne, Ind. Cory writes a weekly blog that has gained a world-wide following and you can check it out his at: [email protected]. For speaking engagements or more information on Cory, you can contact him at [email protected]