*Special Note–These days many people are facing huge challenges. It’s easy to focus on the challenge at hand and not on the big God we serve. As I look back on my life and see the great things God has done, I’m reminded that He is a big God who can do miraculous things when we put our trust in Him. I hope my story inspires you to reflect on your own life and the great things He has done.
When an afternoon business appointment cancelled, I found myself with a free afternoon in an Orlando resort. Most people would be elated to have unexpected free time in one of America’s beloved vacation spots, but instead I found myself feeling gloomy and depressed.
It was the anniversary of our heartbreaking miscarriage. My husband and I married in our late 30s and joyfully found ourselves pregnant in our 40s. When we lost our baby, I feared that I had lost my one chance at becoming a mother.
In an effort to avoid the pain, I focused on a talk I was preparing for a women’s Bible study group.
The topic was sacrificial giving. As I wandered through the beautifully landscaped walkways of the resort, I sensed God whisper to my heart, “What about you? Are you willing to sacrifice?”
“Sacrifice what?” I silently questioned.
Then, plain as day, I felt a nudge from God, “Your dream of having a child?”
Shock. Sadness. Despair.
“Sacrifice my dream of having a child?” I thought as I choked back tears.
Sacrifice my dream of having a child?
I couldn’t quite digest the thought. How on earth could God ask such a thing?
Flustered, I quickly fled to my car. Trying to hide from God’s heartbreaking request, I escaped to Downtown Disney – an outdoor haven for shopping and Culture. But as I walked along the shop-lined sidewalks, mothers with young children were everywhere. I gulped as a young father twirled his darling little girl, proudly dressed up in a princess costume. Children’s faces filled with joy and wonder were around every corner of the magical place. I wanted to collapse in the middle of the street and sob.
Still running from God, I returned to my hotel room and ordered a personal-sized pizza. Planning to engulf myself in a movie as I tried to eat away my pain, I reached for the television remote control.
But before my finger could press the power button, I sensed God urging me, “Stop running and spend some time with me.”
Spend time with You? I didn’t want anything to do with God, nonetheless pray or read the Bible.
Relenting, my hand dropped the remote.
For the next several hours I sat on the bed clinging to the 200-thread count sheets, crying and wrestling with my Lord.
I sensed God continuing to press me with the question, “Are you willing?”
“Am I willing to sacrifice having a family to do whatever You want me to do with my life, God? I can’t believe You’d ask that of me. Who am I if I am not a mother?” I protested and argued. “My husband would be a great father. My parents would love to have another grandchild.”
My heart ached as I struggled to lay my hopes and dreams at His feet.
I pleaded, “Why do I have to sacrifice this dream?”
“Are you willing?” He persisted.
Finally around midnight, exhausted and terribly disappointed, I surrendered.
About a month later I began to experience some health issues. After a number of visits to the doctor, I was informed that I was pregnant.
Me? Pregnant?! How could that be?
Repeated tests confirmed the results.
That December, we humbly and tearfully welcomed our beautiful boy, Luke, into the world.
We named him after the reference for a passage we quoted throughout the pregnancy– Luke 1:37, “For nothing is impossible with God!”
My friend and mentor Criss said, “Maybe God just needed to know your heart, that you were willing to sacrifice your plans for His plans, that you had trusted Him with His plan whatever it may be, and He blessed you with more than you can imagine.”
Portions of this testimony were recently featured in “Pearl Girls” (Moody Publishers, 2009) and “Hugs Bible Reflections for Women” (Howard Books, a division of Simon and Schuster, 2009). For details, visit PearlGirls.info or SimonandSchuster.com.