Is That All There Is?

In 1969, Peggy Lee sang a haunting song questioning life. After seeing a house go up in smoke as a child, was that all there was to things? After going to a circus, was that all there was to the big top? After being dismissed by a boyfriend, was that all there was to love? It highlights our disappointment with things, achievement, pursuing vain pleasures and loves. It’s the kind of thinking that fuels mid-life crisis. The fingerprints of midlife crisis on marriage are all around us: midlife men of God giving up their pulpits and wives in shame, midlife […]

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Made-to-Order Bride

Men – if you could push a few buttons and get the woman of your dreams, what would she look like? How would she act?   The perfect Christian wife Confession: I met my husband online. Pastors’ opinions on this match-making method is mixed, but it was perfect for us. I efficiently sifted through the chaff to find my pearl of great price. The dating site contained checklists of things you wanted, as well as places to describe what you were looking for. Most men listed a desire for the noble wife described in Proverbs 31. Who is this woman? […]

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Fixer-upper Husband?

Several married friends have come to me recently frustrated with their husbands’ behaviors. Their husbands were not ______ing the way that they “should.” All three wives had different blanks, but the bottom line was that they had talked to their husbands about what they were witnessing, and their husbands did not heed their advice. My friends “knew” that what they were suggesting was better, or if they jumped in they could fix it.   Is that our calling? When you buy a house that needs fixing, you call it a fixer-upper. Once you buy it, you have to fix the […]

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For Better, Not Worse

Last month, as I waited in my hair salon for the goo on my head to perform the miracle of turning back time, “Sue” (alias) announced her tale of woes that ended the prior week in divorce. Sue seemingly was married to Attila the Hun. If what she said about him was true, words like unlovable, despicable and dangerous come to mind. Kiddie pornography. Beating dogs. Mean and armed. Then Sue shared that her ex had Parkinson’s. Based on her understanding of the symptoms, changed behavior can manifest itself. In her retrospect, his bad behavior started about five years prior […]

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The Perfect Valentine’s Day – For Men Only

Perfection is in the eyes of the beholder. Valentine’s Day has a number of beholders: Girls hoping for valentine cards from the right guys Couples hoping to charge their marriage with a romantic get-away Guys hoping to join the estimated six million who pop the question No matter which stage of love you’re in, romantic love is at the center – the desire to have a soul mate for life.   What makes it perfect? Our modern-day Valentine’s tradition started in England with men wooing their intendeds by sending handmade cards filled with love. Ultimately, it’s all about the pursuit. […]

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Calling All Couples

What is the calling of your marriage? Calling? To stay together? To support each other? To raise godly kids?   Don’t feel badly if you answered a. Most couples expect to live happily ever after. Or perhaps marriage is a checkbox on your expectations list. But a calling? Maybe you are just putting up with your spouse because you feel like divorce is wrong. Does your marriage feel more like a jail sentence than a calling? Supporting each other and raising godly kids are good things, but is that the calling of your marriage or just your default setting? When […]

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Not Another Christmas

  It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year… that is if your marriage is running on all cylinders. But what if it isn’t? Are you dreading the holidays? The Ghost of Christmas Past Close your eyes and think back to your childhood Christmases. Do you smile or cringe? If you smiled, what made them good? The people? The trappings? The food? The smells? Do you long to recreate Christmas past, but your spouse opposes you? If you cringed, was there a lot of pain that you try to avoid or are you now trying to overcompensate […]

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It’s the Little Things

“Name ten things you love about your husband,” I challenged a friend at the end of her marital rope. “Nothing. I can’t think of one thing,” she replied. I prompted, “Does he provide?” “He brings home a paycheck. That’s it.” She had no trouble listing the things he did wrong. Facebook post I posted the same challenge on Facebook. Early in the day, I got one response. One person wrote one thing. I replied that I had asked for ten things, but there was no further reply. Was that it? Finally, LouAnne chimed in with her Carlos rocks 10: He […]

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I Love Me… I Love Me Not

“I, Nadine, promise to enjoy inhabiting my own life and to relish a lifelong love affair with my beautiful self,” Nadine Schweigert vowed. That’s right – she married herself. With all the talk about same-sex marriage, polygamy, incest, polyamorous relationships of various kinds, it’s not surprising to find that there is also a practice called sologamy. What is Sologamy? It is the act of marrying yourself with a commitment to self-love and self-compassion. It’s also known as “same-self marriage.”   Is this related to the celibacy encouraged in the Bible? In 1 Corinthians 7:6-8, Paul describes singleness as a gift […]

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That’s A Sorry Excuse!

  Have you tried to apologize, but your spouse won’t accept it? Has your spouse apologized, and you don’t believe he/she is sincere? You are not alone.   What happens when an apology is not offered, appropriate or accepted? Whatever the root of the offense, it sits in the middle of your marriage keeping you from harmony. A wall starts to form, built with blocks from every unreconciled past offense. A pattern of language forms and becomes part of your marriage dance. When you consider that God calls you to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24), this wall is not only […]

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