Over the years, I’ve cherished the robust and sometimes rowdy conversations between family and friends during gatherings. Whether it’s about religion, politics, sports, or who won the card game, it’s lively and sometimes rather intense. Like many of your families, my family is full of strong opinions, and everyone is eager to share. Sometimes the conversations are fascinating because we learn so much about each other’s passions, and other times they become an ouch! The difference between a good conversation and an OUCH is whether or not we’re respectfully speaking AND generously listening. Meaningful relationships are born through meaningful conversations. […]

The holidays are often painted as a season of joy, celebration and connection, but for many, it can be a time when emptiness feels especially heavy. The glittering lights and festive music can serve as painful reminders of what feels absent — a sense of peace, purpose or God’s presence. Emptiness during the holidays can stem from unmet expectations, grief over loved ones who are no longer here, the weight of family dynamics or personal struggles that don’t pause for the season. It’s easy to feel disconnected from the joy others seem to radiate or to wonder why God feels […]

I don’t know what I don’t know that I don’t know. Our opening conversation with many couples is helping them see what they don’t see, and they don’t know they can’t see it. Follow along with me. We know what we know; I know where I live. We know what we don’t know. I know I don’t know where you live, but I don’t know that I don’t know that you live in several places depending on the season. This seems insignificant except when it’s about pain points in our relationships. In other words, we have blind spots, and because […]

Several months ago, I wrote an article about the seasons of change in our marriages and families. Every garden and every vine is planted, pruned, nourished by the sun and rain, and yields a fruit or floral. Some grow like redwoods, and others are forever delicate. Some live hundreds of years, and others die after the first blossom. Everything and everyone changes over time through age, maturity, experiences and circumstances. All creation changes: families, friendships, churches, climate, cells, organizations, oceans, marriages and ministries. We can’t escape it! Change can be pleasant, challenging, terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. Sometimes, […]

We all have emotional needs, and when our emotional needs are met, we feel loved. When our needs go unmet, we feel pain. When we feel pain, we pursue pleasure, and often our pursuit of pleasure takes us to places that ultimately bring us back to pain. Question: If you’re hungry and you eat rat poison, will you still be hungry? Answer: No, your stomach is full whether with rat poison or steak. You experience a sense of pleasure because of the chemical dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter released in the brain, giving us a sense of pleasure. So, if […]